As some of you may know, I am a huge Bachelor/Bachelorette fan. Yes, I shout obscenities at the television each Monday. Yes, I know it’s vain. Yes, I know we only get a tiny glimpse into their complex lives, making rash judgments solely from the angle the producers choose to show, but each week I find myself eagerly anticipating the next episode.
So, this time I thought I would share the inner workings of my mind with you. Pretty simple. Pretty ordinary. Pretty much sums me up.
Now, since I am kind o a rule follower, I didn’t want to just copy and paste the photos. So, I made some slightly reprehensible, barely acceptable, artistic drawings of each of the characters on this show… Please do forgive…
Of course, the host everyone loves to hate, Chris Harrison:
and don’t forget, the one, the only, the beauty from Minnesota, BECCA!
I admit that I barely passed first grade art class. She deserves a way better portrait, but I’m short on time and talent…
The first contestant listed on the website, alphabetically by first name, is Alex:
Alex is a normal looking dude.
Then there’s Blake: He buttons his shirts alllll the way to the top. That has to mean something. I’ll have to stay tuned to find out I guess.
Chase: Chase kind of looks like an evil genius. he has this look in his eye like he’s going to dare everybody around him to challenge him for some kind of mind game. I hope I’m wrong.
Next up is Chris: He is about as opposite of Chris Harrison as you can get. Half the age and much more, “tall, dark and handsome.”
Wowza. Then there’s Christian. I feel like he is either a super geek trying to get dolled up instead of embracing his nerd-style, or he’s maybe gonna be arrogant. Time will tell. Or maybe something more than a photo on a website will tell…
After Chris and Christian comes ChristON. I feel like he probably has an earring I somehow missed drawing…or scribbling. Whatever.
My friend is married to a guy named Clay and he’s real nice. Maybe this Clay will be, too.
Colton is too cool for school. Screw the tux and impossible to draw button up shirts and collars. No, this guy is all leather jacket and suave. Good move, Colton. Good move.
Connor. He looks like he just heard a really funny joke that was maybe a little mean and he’s not sure whether to laugh or not. I want to say, “just laugh alrready! Show the world those dimples” but I’m also all like, “Don’t laugh, be nice!” but really, that’s maybe just his normal smile…
Then there’s Darius. He hates the photographer, but don’t judge him.
Then there’s David. He thinks he’s smarter than he is. But maybe he’s smarter than he looks.
He’s super happy to be here. Yeah, baby!
Grant is going to woo you with those dimples. You won’t have time to be nervous around him, because dimples. You also might not hear what he’s saying. Ahhh…. dimples.
Jake. Watch out. I think he might be cross eyed. Or else he just takes bad pictures. Either way, Watch. Out.
Every time I see Jason’s picture, I just imagine Count Dracula – “One, two, three, count!” from Sesame Street. I am not sure I can get over this mom thing… “Won’t you dance with me, doing the Batty Bat!?!”
Doesn’t appear to be much going on up top. Keep walking.
I don’t know his occupation, but anyone who followed U.S. politics a few years ago will assume it’s a plumber.
Probably a pretty solid, friendly fellow.
Jordan, with those white teeth and that booming smile, he’s going to last a while.
With a name like Kamil, kan you go wrong?
I honestly didn’t know whether or not to draw him some ears…
He’s having fun. and so is his hair.
About now I was pretty much over even trying to draw. So much hair, a look that says he’s a good listener, and a bunch of hair. Maybe hot if it’s like that guy from Survivor that climbed all the trees and won all the games. Maybe not if it’s like your sister’s. We’ll see.
“Hi. My name’s Nick. I’m a spoiled brat.” ~Nick.
Just kidding. I made that up.
Rickey reminds me of Eddie Murphy for some reason. If he’s not funny I’ll be disappointed.
He has this charming Boy Next Door look. I just hope he does more with his life than, say, serve at Olive Garden or something.
Trent adults so hard. He’s holding down a job, has a nice house in the suburbs and is looking for a pretty little wife to complete his life. Or at least that’s my first impression of him.
Wills, he has quite the collar line. Then when I try to get my eyes off the collar line, it is drawn to the hair up top. He’s probably the nicest guy I’d have to say. I couldn’t tell ya by looking at him…
Well, there it is. My first impression of the cast for The Bachelorette, Becca’s Season. Have a great night, and get rested up so you can adequately prepare yourself for tomorrow’s episode.
Now, go do “the damn thing!”
(Not my line, definitely Becca’s. but we’re both from MN so she’ll probably be ok with that.) (Yeah, we live within like 200 miles of each other, so we’re basically sisters.) (Probably actually the only thing we have in common is our dark hair. and hers probably isn’t stained with gray.)